Airing your deepest thoughts on the Internet has never been particularly appealing to me. I like the concept of blogging, a journal that embraces technology and allows you to write. There are many people who can communicate much better by writing than by trying to express emotional issues verbally. The anonymity of being able to say something is no longer there though, but should one be ashamed of their own feelings? Maybe saying what you feel may encourage someone to assist you if you have an issue or it may uplift someone if it is motivational. Being a professional, with your life increasingly scrutinized before you actually meet a prospective employer it may not be the best thing to put your life in digital bytes for the world to see (and remember!). Will we be seen as weak if we speak out on our frustrations? Or will we be seen as open and willing to share. It depends on the content I suppose.
I've lived my life always chasing the cheese. A life of reactionary decision making rather than having the luxury of using the blueprint that has been shelved for such a long time. I can honestly say, I have been blessed. Firstly, with parents who have done just about anything and everything to provide me with the best life anyone could have. Yes, there were tough times but I can never forget, repay or give enough thanks for the sacrifices they have made for me. Next, my wife, who has stuck by me now for 17 years (10 years married). We were both very young when we met and in the years we have become very good friends. Yes, being married is frustrating at times but would I rather be single and lonely? The grass is always greener on the other side and sometimes the temptation of crossing the fence enters your mind but I believe tending to your own garden can give you much greener fields in the long run. My daughter has been so much of a star in my life that I cannot even begin to express. I am not the model dad that I see around me. Being a young father I have never felt prepared but I try to steer her on the right track. I am a tough father, like my father before me but I hope I can raise my daughter half as well as my father raised me. There are also many people and extended family members who have passed through my life. I say this because I've met so many amazing people, in person and via the web and have had to say goodbye too many times.
With all of the things I've faced, the highlights and the lowlights, I still feel a bit frustrated. I believe I am an ambitious person, I have been gifted with the ability to adapt quickly. I can learn anything very quickly, even if just the basic concepts. I have, however, been stuck in first gear for a long time. The clutch is down but I can't seem to shift. We all have killer ideas, but what differentiates the really successful among us is the ability to execute. My brain wanders way too much. I've had great (okay so maybe not great but promising at the very least) ideas and just let all of them sit next to the blueprint, get covered by dust and get executed by others. I've seen people I've confided in, take my ideas and run with it, complete it, execute it. Good for them. I then look at my shelf and see the pile of ideas on paper and feel depressed. Can anyone blame them for executing? No.
Will I continue to chase the cheese? Or will I start milking the cow to make my own cheese? I will tell you one thing though, I've had enough of chasing.
